I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
