he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
3 2 1 whiskey
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
