I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
