Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
