Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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