Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
