note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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