I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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