I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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