I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
