I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
