did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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