Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
