Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
