You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
