I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Mom said you looked used
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
