I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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