Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
