i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
