Little spoons don't ask big questions
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
