Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
