I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
