i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
