If that was your dad, he is hot
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
