Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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