I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
