i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
