you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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