Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
