So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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