i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
