My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
