Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
