if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
