I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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