Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A+ Viking dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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