yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
