Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
