I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
