there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
