i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
