They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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