I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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