when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
