She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
