no, he came in my armpit
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
