I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
