It's like God shit irony all over that family
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
