she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
