Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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