Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
