Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
