I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
